Today: just one of those days. Maybe. Who knows, it’s not even half over. Perhaps this afternoon—brilliance! But this morning? Definitely one of those mornings. Not quite enuf sleep, brain bathed in the Chemical of Emptiness, doubt creeping in at the corners, exhaustion from staving it off. In meditation (unwelcome this morning, I might add), feet freeze, ankle bones rub together where they usually don’t, work-out-sore hams, jumpy; attachment barbing little fishhooks into this and that, pulling, tugging, tearing. “Allow,” I breathe, “allow, allow, allow.” Allow this constant maddening narration of what’s going on in my brain today. Allow this discomfort in my body. Allow taking myself so seriously. Allow that this is the least calm I’ve been in quite awhile.
And somewhere along the line, I stop struggling. I stop trying to figure out, solve, fix, resolve, control, stave off, manage, understand. I stop trying to feel better. And that’s when the calm settles in again. I reset the meditation timer and breathe a sigh, feeling reset myself. Everything slows down. Accept. Breathe. Allow it all. It’s all ok. LiveLove&BU