Let’s talk about Fear….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Branching out, starting something new, or changing course sometimes feels exciting, and sometimes it’s just downright scary. Embarking on New myself lately (and considering MORE New on the horizon), I’m observing my reactions, which range from an absolute blissful essence of alive-ness and perfection to heart-pounding, full-out-sprint, WTF Fear. It’s easy to do New when it excites and energizes–but this whole additional Sickening Fear thing can really hold us back. I’m not one to generally decline to divert into new directions due to fear; I tend to think that fear often signals a direction I SHOULD take; a challenge that stretches my boundaries but will result in significant growth–and for me, Growth is the Golden Egg, but I still let fear hold me back in some significant ways. And I’ve decided I’m done with that.

Everyone must judge for themselves, of course, when fear really truly means “Go BACK NOW!” and when it’s just your poor over-vigilent ego pulling out all the stops, thinking it’s saving you from a death that isn’t really real. It’s the fight or flight response that activates when we’re often no more than just late for an “important” meeting or about to deliver a speech to a few people–totally out of proportion. I can usually tell when Fear is a Real Warning (e.g., don’t walk down that dark, sketchy path at 3 a.m.), and when it’s just me being unfamiliar with what I’m about to do and unsure of the outcome (e.g., I’ve been bored with my career for 10 years, maybe I should do something new). Usually the second kind is laced with the energizing excitement, and when I think about NOT making the decision, it doesn’t feel right, and I get sad I’m NOT going to do it, whatever it is.

Whenever the ego feels threatened (when we’re being vulnerable in almost any way), it begins to scream and kick and snarl and spit–but it’s just trying to scare us back to “safety.” It’s the overprotective mother, sending you out to play in the fenced yard (if she’ll even send you out of the house at all), in a helmet and knee pads so you don’t hurt yourself. Probably, she thinks, you should also be tethered to the house, except that you might get tangled up in the tether and strangle yourself. She settles for watching you like a hawk out the window, making sure you haven’t got access to anything sharp or harmful, like a twig. It’s up to you to assess the situation (here’s where ye olde Left Brain can be of use, along with your intuition), and decide whether it’s worth all this hubbub, or whether you want to say, “thanks ego, I hear ya, but I got this,” cuz just taking that little (or big) leap is worth the possible consequences, and may catapult you into a whole new yet-undiscovered realm of Joyful, Real, Authentic Life.

I learned something this weekend, or at least connected dots I’d never connected before (all thanks to inspirational-beyond-belief talks by Amir Zoghi–check out Intuitive Warrior site here, Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers).

Here are the dots–(you’ve gotta draw the line to connect em yourself tho):

  • Babies in Nazi experiments, taken from their mothers and offered no love, all died. EVERY ONE OF THEM. DIED. DEAD.
  • We are spiritual beings who need love to survive. Literally. Get that: LITERALLY WE DIE WITHOUT LOVE. DIE. DEAD. GONE.
  • Our egos try their very very very very hardest to ensure that we don’t go without love, because lack of love as an infant, in any case=death. Literally. WE DIE. DEAD…okay, you get it.
  • When we feel fear, it’s often just our poor overworked ego, understanding only that we are vulnerable, and “protecting” us (the problem is, ego often can’t discriminate what are “good” risks and what aren’t).

That’s all fear is. And wow–fear is All That. That’s why it’s so hard sometimes to confront someone we care about, to walk away from relationships that aren’t healthy or what we really want, and go for what we need–because we might be rejected by someone. Our ego’s “Love-Removal” sensors go off and desperately attempt to convince us to STOP!! Shrieking, “don’t risk losing what even may just be masquerading as love! It’s better than nothing!!” Real Love, on the other hand, is cheering us on to not just be ourselves all the time, but celebrate ourselves and take those vital growth-risks, not shushing us and telling us to sit down and don’t rock the boat. While we won’t actually DIE from allowing vulnerability and stepping outside our comfort zones to ask for what we want, say no to that networking party that sounds just awful, confront a friend, etc., it sometimes feels like we might. What often happens instead of dying, by being authentic, is that we begin living the life we want to live. In fact, that’s the only way to get there. 

And here’s something else: if we love and accept ourselves, and understand that we ARE LOVE, then we don’t look for the false love outside of ourselves from others in any form (acceptance, approval, a feeling of safety etc). While all that’s nice, we just don’t need it, because we GET that we’re whole, just the way we are (yes, we can do that for ourselves now; we’re not infants anymore–and being authentic also magnets us to Real Love from others). Getting that we’re Whole just as we are auto-shifts us into doing what we love and surrounding ourselves with a community of others who see themselves as Wholes, in an environment that feeds our souls. Everything else simply falls away as we remove our focus from the things, activities and people who don’t make us sing. It’s just that we’re so used to coming from the false paradigms of insecurity and lack that we cling to impoverished pseudo-safety and love-fakes. If we want to grow and live the lives we want, we need to follow our hearts and let go of what for us, just isn’t True. We need to be brave. And hells yes, it can be Scary. I don’t know about you, but I’m up for some fear. I’m on this journey. I’m working on it. It’s happening. Real Love to you all. Peace.